A lot of unwanted content in the form of emotions

 A lot of unwanted content in the form of emotions, thoughts, expressions, reactions etc. gather around our minds and hearts in our daily lives, and when we try to be near our Allah the Taala in some blessed moment, the unwanted content starts pulling us back, and taking us away. We should be very much careful in absorbing that unwanted content of feelings, imaginations, reminiscences etc.

It so happened that I was having Saums of Nafl for last few days, and enjoying them a lot. The pangs of hunger felt cleansing my heart and mind, and I thought I was getting better in my relation with Allah Taala. The time of the Salat of Asr was especially very pleasant. So many nice feelings of beauty and happiness were there.

Today, when I was preparing myself for Saum in the Sahr, my heart said, ‘the day will be a nice one, with Saum and its enjoyments’. It presented to my mind the pleasure of Zuhr, Asr and then Maghrib, with the beauty of Saum imbued.

When I realized that my heart was feeling happy a moment ago, I enjoyed that short moment even more. I was happy that my inner most thoughts and feelings were getting attuned with the pleasures of Deen or Rooh. What if I had felt that my heart was getting mournful on my Saum, that it will have to be in great pains during the whole day. I thanked Allah the Taala that my first thought was positive.

Later, my wife intervened and stopped me from having my Saum today. She was of the opinion that I should have some gap in my Saums.

Anyway, I agreed to her opinion and decided to have my Saum tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

A few moments ago, when she called me for my breakfast, and I went upstairs and had it, I felt something missing. I felt I was missing my Saum. I felt I had developed some kind of love with my Saums in the previous days, and now was missing it. I was feeling regrets for not having my Saum today. What if I had refused my wife’s idea of giving some gap in my Saums.

Later, when I was coming downstairs to my desk, I felt some kind of remorse for not having Saum today.

‘How lovely it would have been at this time of the day, if I had been with Saum.’, I thought.

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May Allah the Taala give us all the nice feelings of His Deen and the Arkan of His Deen. Ameen.

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